BEFORE I GO further, I must warn you that this is a tough, tough post - and apologize for the lack of pictures. Honestly, it's just too hard right now...
What is that saying about making plans and God laughing?
Well he must be chuckling a good one. All my vacation plans: painting the house, couponing trips, doctor appointments have gone, gone, gone out the door.
God's plan (blessing) was that both hubby and I be home this week... with my sweet little kitty... in her final hours.
Over the weekend, she was not feeling well, vomiting and lethargic. It didn't get better...so we visited the doctor Monday and I am very glad we did, the night's events would have been more horrifying had I not known it was coming.
A very quick check up and the vet told us that she was likely in her last days (her temp was low and that apparently is a major sign) and strongly suggested euthanizing. Now, if you've read some of my previous posts, you'll know that this wasn't a complete surprise, she is...was...15 and had been having some issues. But we really believed it was stomach trouble, similar to recent events, and expected some Pepcid...and perhaps something to help with some arthitis. We expected to have to make the decision sooner or later... Later.
Apparently, she's likely been battling a cancer or some disease for over a year, her spleen (which was slightly enlarged last year) was huge this time and the concern was it would burst and she would bleed out painfully. And its now clear that it's likely that her stomach issues were caused by the spleen swelling and squishing on her intestines/etc, hindsight is a bitch.
Hubby and I were taken by surprise, though the "what should we do if this is something serious" conversation did come up, so maybe not totally. After little consideration, and watching her push her way back into the hated, dreaded, evil cat carrier because she knew it meant her return, we knew we that we needed to bring her home.
We got the info for a home-based vet who would come to us and perform the final deed and made a call. The doctor gave us pain meds and told us to keep her comfortable until that time. She was very happy she was home... but clearly not well. The meds, while they helped, actually made her vomit more...which took progressively more out of her as the night went on.
Our efforts to get in touch with the home vet were desperate as we realized she might not actually make it until the vet came. Sadly, she didn't. But we were with her every second of the way, telling her how much we loved her, that it was ok to go, and calling her by much loved nicknames (which she responded to with a tail wag...until she just couldn't anymore). We gave her the pain medication and pray she was not in any pain.
She now walks with the angels.
It was, without a doubt, the most horrible, painful night of my life... The only close second would be today, when we had to put her into a box and bury her sweet soul-vessel in the ground.
...Now I'm faced with refocusing a life that, for 13 years (many of which were single and all of which were childless), revolved around my sweet, baby girl. The love of my life. My little kittenopolous. My She-Nibblers. My reason for living.
So, whatever plans I had for vacation, this week or next, for the blog and for life in general are on hold until I can once again get my feet on solid ground.
I am sure you all understand.